Adulting Can Be Daunting

Soo booorrreeddduh!

Yesterday, our local epilepsy run/walk committee was holding an informal meeting at the Saturday market, and I invited Rachel to go along, which she usually enjoys. She declined, so I took Stewie with me, so he could get some exercise and fresh air. When I got back, Brett told me that Rachel's friend had called, and invited Rachel to go out and do something with her. Rachel also declined that outing. 

Today Brett and I were both ready to order our new glasses, so we loaded up the kids, and made our way to Walmart. I decided that Rachel isn't really inclined to do much if we don't expect her to. We fully respect her decision to stay in if she's not feeling well, etc., but both of the outings she declined are things she usually enjoys very much, and we're afraid that staying in, and doing nothing but playing video games is too isolating, and she needs to do more.

I wrote a short list of groceries, items with which I know Rachel is well familiar, and handed it off to her, as Brett and I started shopping for frames. There was a short bout of sputtering, and self-doubt, but I reminded her that she is quite familiar with the layout of this store, she had her alarm, phone, dog, and emergency ID tag, and I fully expected that she was more than capable of completing this task. Within 15 minutes, Rachel was back, with every item on the list, pink-faced, but proud of herself. I was proud of Brett and myself, because we didn't check our watches or phones even once.

Two years ago, a regular shopping trip, at my side, would have been too much. A year ago, attempting to do this much shopping on her own would have meant a nap after we got home, and then a very quiet evening. Today, she got it done, and then sat and played her game while she waited for us to complete our transaction. Once my part was finished, I grabbed the cart and did the produce shopping (I'm picky, so I didn't expect her to do that part), and then I checked out the groceries, and we all went home.

Now, I know this doesn't sound like a big deal to most of you, but for Rachel, and for us, this was huge. The only time she usually goes off on her own is when she wants to shop for a video game, or something for herself. Rachel hasn't ever been sent off on her own to do shopping for the family, while using a list. She also had to visit the OTC section and find a specific brand and strength of a vitamin supplement she takes. She did a great job in both areas, and what she doesn't know is that from now on we'll be splitting the shopping list, and meeting in the middle. ;)

Adulting is sometimes hard for those of us who are neuro-typical. For the atypical it can be downright daunting to do daily self-care tasks. It's time for us to believe that Rachel has the ability, but we may need to provide the motivation until she believes it, too.